Yarn Covered Loser

Yarn Covered Loser

EYE CANDY OF 2009--HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!

It's that time of year for pumpkin pie, cranberries, turkey, and...People magazine's pick for "Sexiest Man Alive" for 2009! This year's winner is the verrrry sexy Johnny Depp. Kate Coyne, senior editor at People, said on CBS' "Early Show" that Depp has achieved an almost "iconic status in terms of sexiness." Says Coyne: "Johnny Depp was someone who was sexy 10 years. He'll be sexy 10 years from now. He's someone who appeals to multiple generations of women." Depp also won this title in 2003.

I've liked Johnny since he starred in 21 Jump Street. We girls would get together and watch that show just to see him. We didn't care about the plot, ever! Over the years, though, I've come to realize that Johnny is a very versatile, talented actor. I've enjoyed his work in most of his movies to date. My most embarrassing Johnny Depp moment: In 1999 I went to see The Astronaut's Wife, which starred Depp and Charlize Theron as his wife, with my mom on a mom/daughter night out. There was an incredibly hot sex scene between the two, and I became so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl under my seat! 'Nuff said.

FASHION IMITATING CARTOONS

I love to see the best and worst-dressed reviews of the Hollywood Stars on the red carpet, browse the new trends from the runway shows, etc. Doing so, I have seen some pretty fugly/outrageous/befuddling fashions, but this, this collaboration of bewildering proportions actually reminds me of one of my favorite cartoons when I was a kid--FAT ALBERT. For those of you who watched this, doesn't this guy remind you of....DUMB DONALD!? By the way, I would cover up my face too if I were a guy wearing a polka-dotted, sleeveless jumpsuit.

More Japanese Art

FANCY THIS MEAL

And for dessert--Spotted Dick!! A customer review:

"This was the first time I’ve had the Heinz Spotted Dick and must say in was rather tasty. I’ve tasted other Spotted Dick but found them to be dry to my taste buds. Raisins were plumb. However I too wish it had nuts."

You wish it had nuts?! Man, I could not have come up with anything better myself! Classic!
I actually know what this stuff is. I was shopping at Giant Eagle and I spotted it--no pun intended--and cracked up. So I bought a can and gave it as a booby prize at my Bachelorette Party!

OUTRAGEOUS BLING

LOOK WHAT I MADE IN ART CLASS TODAY, MA!














Honestly, where do stars like Soulja Boy get this over-the top bling? Is that supposed to be the NY skyline on his shades? Sure, he's lookin' fly for the BET Awards, but I'll BET he can't see outta those shades!

WHOLE LOTTA BABY

I just saw the photo of the largest baby born in Indonesia--19.2 lbs.--and it brought back memories of labor with my daughter who was born 10.3 lbs, 22 inches.

My OB/GYN guesstimated that she would be between 7.5.-8 lbs, but NO! First of all, I was two weeks over my due date with no signs of labor at all when she decided that I needed to have this baby! So the date was chosen and I showed up at the hospital at 6am; I was induced at 7am. Along with the Pitocin injection, the nurse gave me something else that caused me to doze off from time to time and have very vivid, Alice-in-Wonderland-like short dreams and mumble non-related curse words while dosing off (embarrassing, but oh so funny!) Since I had no previous labor pains, I didn't know what to expect. When the pain came--WHAM--it came! Yes, I had an epidural; but the pain was B.A.D.! When my water broke, the nurses started to put me in several different positions to push, and it was discovered that my daughter was transverse (the baby is shoulder or back down instead of head down). Okay, so at the time I didn't know that it is almost impossible to birth a baby this way without a c-section. So the nurses had me push and push and push while they tried to turn her the right way. That zapped my energy. Then I had to push and push and puuuuuussssssh to give birth. At about 7pm I asked them, exasperated, HOW MUCH LONGER! "About 20 minutes", I was told. LIED TO! Not only that, they had shut off my epidural. HELL NO! At about 8pm I growled that someone had better give me an emergency c-section or I was about to die!! At 8:30 I told them I was so exhausted and I just couldn't push anymore. The nurses told me to get pissed. Hell, I was already pissed! Thank God Andrea was born at 8:39pm, upon which time the doctor said that my baby was going to be a linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers--then he saw her hoochie-cooch and said, "Or not". He was holding a 10+ pound baby with wide shoulders, and I was relieved that it was over. Now I have a beautiful 8-year old daughter that was worth the pain, frustration and exhaustion.